i am more than just depressed. my mind is a chaos but i dont know how to describe it to my doc or anyone else

first is my imagination. it is insane. i imagine complete random nonsense like ... ummm... and that's the second problem. my imagination goes apepoop 100 times everyday yet i can't give an example because i completely forget them in minutes as if they were dreams. even dreams aren't that crazy

third i feel as if my own brain has a plot against me. it gives me urges do stupid and bad things i dont want to do. like destroying someones hardwork or hurting myselfi. i rarely do them. if i know i shouldnt think something i cant stop thinking about it.

fourth is a feeling that has troubled me since childhood that something is wrong. very wrong. i dont know what but i feel as if its true