It's a real challenge to gain perspective when we are depressed or going through an episode.

We question who we are, what our meaning in life is, who our true friends are and a whole myriad of things. It can become a consuming black hole.

Sounds like you have a good support system in place. A pdoc, some meds and a therapist.
I don't think anyone wants to be depressed. it's awful.

We're here to listen.

I hope you can begin to find your path to peace.