_Sky:

Yes, you are right when you say some "I" statements can be taken as posting angrily or snobbishly. So the softening is needed, as you said, especially if the person seems to be confident and sure of themselves. As emphasized in the section on "I" statements in Chapter 13, simple self-reporting of one's feelings, "I feel left out and powerless in this group" without accusing or blaming anyone of being angry and unfair or wrong is a lot less hostile than "you statements" as in "You are so self-centered that my opinion doesn't seem to be given any weight. You always want to have your way."

I'm sure many assertive women are unfairly accused of being pushy and hostile. Able and confident women are still disliked by some peers. That is too bad.

drclay