I read your post and thought "when the hell did I post that?"

It is that spiral down, social interaction is stressful so I will reduce it, now no one connects with me because I withdraw, now I am sad so, to avoid stressing others, I withdraw, which makes them less likely to interact with me

I actually said, to a friend of mine dying of cancer, that I wished it had been me instead. His removal left a huge gap in people's lives. Mine would have had someone say "what happened to [JohnCrow]?" "Dunno..." "Oh...okay. So wanna get lunch?"