just wanted to clarify something in my post...where I stated here where I live having sex without consent is rape....I wasnt saying you were being raped patagonia. I put that in my post because of your post wording.....

"She does things I never would"

if you were here in my state this statement would be considered to be not giving consent while being mentally impaired (dissociated). it would be called having sex without consent (rape). only you can say whether this would be called rape in your own location.

another suggestion maybe you can contact your police department to ask them. here the police are very willing to answer generalized information gathering questions. we even have a non emergency line so that those who want information like this dont tie up the the emergency phones.

Another suggestion maybe your treatment provider can help you more with this by explaining to you what this would be in your location and how to fix this sometimes with people who have co consciousness writing a note or thinking/talking inside can also help you to let your partner know what is ok and what isnt ok to do during these moments.