im sorry, i dont know the differences between fetishes and all that stuff so hopefully someone more experienced in that particular matter will come along. i just wanted to give you a perspective from someone that is totally vanilla. i dont think you are a pervert at all. you clearly state that you believe sex is for relationships and someone you love. you dont believe that anybody/thing should be hurt for your pleasure. so if this is bringing you joy, go for it. i believe you are feeling guilty because you are doing something that is outside of societal norms. well if you read enough posts on here, lots of people do a lot of things for pleasure outside of societal norms so it is more common then you think. it is a shame society cannot be more accepting. so get rid of the guilt about what you are doing. it can be really hard to find happiness in this world. embrace what is bringing you joy.