I don't have a T. I've seen several over the years. But I never found one I thought was worth staying with. So, perhaps I'm not the person to answer this. However, it seems to me, what you wrote in your Thread is exactly what you need to talk with your T about during your next session. Tell your T about your mixed feelings. Also you may want to discuss the depth of your apparent dependency on your T. I'm no expert with regard to therapy. But it seems to me, to be so dependent on a therapist may not be for the best. Perhaps I just don't understand how this all works...