I have tried several times to explain to my regular doctor about my depression and I got the usual "get some more exercise, eat well, get plenty of sleep"

I was diagnosed when I volunteered for experimental treatment from a VERY reputable institution (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health). Which was the second time in my life I did so.

Bypassing a GP MD is close to impossible unless I got emergency. And when I am focussed enough to go, I am usually not too bad. And, to top it off, I am working right now. I cannot afford a day off (no go in no get paid)

Also, I cannot afford any medicine. I am slowly going blind from glaucoma (I said I was a sad sack) and cannot afford the medicine for that either. Contrary to what Americans may think, medical care is absolutely not free here. And medication sure as hell is not

And, let's be honest, why divert resources from people who need immediate care (when I went to the hospital a few years back after a bike accident I got lost in process because I felt it was better for the guy turning blue to go first. Then I had the nurse chew me out for not saying something).

I am not suicidal. I just keep hoping for cancer or a good solid stroke to finish me off. I honestly am out of ideas, time, motivation and options. In 3 months I will be homeless too and, without a job, I cannot get an apartment in this city (Toronto) unless it is truly frightening.

One of the clinical tests I was in used paxil. The side effects were horrific. The more recent 2011 test I never knew what they used but it was worse than paxil (and different effects so I think I can rule out nocebo)

Getting to a psychiatrist is impossible without a GP and mine is on sabbatical and, as I said earlier, he steadfastly refuses to accept me being depressed ("well, you are out of work - it's normal to feel blue")

Venting helps a bit. But, like a steam engine with a major flaw something's gotta give