My diagnosis makes me mad. It makes me uneasy. It makes me feel like an outcast. It my family and friends don't understand, "snap out of it"," do you need medication?" ,"that medication is highly addictive."

There are many personal matters that make me feel like there is no future. I feel like I may never keep a job. I pissed of the wrong people even though I got so many compliments. I felt like I had a target on my back. And finally before maternity leave I was let go. I have been nervous to go back to work. I got a bachelors and got stuck in minim wage glorified sales associate ( optician). And I never felt like I could sell. I have forced myself into a field that doesn't value education, but instead values your ability to smile and ask for money. Then the online sale of glasses makes me feel dispensable.

I need a change. It's hard ,I anticipate rejection while filling out applications. I tell myself my weight I have gained will make it more difficult. This negative thinking is what's keeping me back. I look at happy people and don't feel glad for them. I think I want everyone to feel pain, self doubt because that's what's real. People thinking things are going Their way is in for real life to happen. Please negative thinking go away