Hmmm ... you saying he freezes up at physical contact concerns me. That he tenses up during physical contact. Yes, it does sound like he's being somewhat selfish, but I'm not sure that's the whole issue. It sounds like he can force himself to do things at times, like you said, during the "make a good impression" phase and such, but you admit he seems to be really uncomfortable about it.

Is there something that's happened to him in his past that makes him uncomfortable like that? I think he needs to see a therapist, not from the perspective of fixing him so he'll be like you want, but so that he can feel comfortable with physical and understand why he currently isn't. Maybe something like Asperger's or PTSD or something? But overall, it seems like these are some pretty nasty symptoms of something else.