Jan 05, 2015 at 08:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snap66
As soon as there is a change in dynamics, as soon as the there is a reduction in the closeness I step away. This is the first sense of being abandoned.
I get why people leave or reduce their friendship but its hurts to be liked/loved one minute and then not the next... or not seen under the same light.
My sadness is loosing a friend, loosing what we had and knowing that it will never been the same and what we had is lost forever.
Maybe i'm being selfish in all this but this fear of abandonment wont heal and its been burnt into me from infancy to adulthood.
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I'm the same... as soon as I feel a change starting, I'm apt to take that self-fulfilling prophecy route and pull out of the friendship to save myself the larger hurt. And, at least then I have good memories of the person left and only have myself to really blame. Whereas... if it goes to the point of them actually abandoning me, then it's like all the memories are tainted.
With friendships, I can go a long time between contact and still consider someone a friend. But, it depends on the dynamic of the friendship. Do they ever initiate the contact, or is it always me? When we talk, do they show an interest in my life, or I am simply inquiring about theirs and getting basic answers? If I come to visit their city or nearby, will they take any actual time to do something with me that isn't running chores with them? Do they only contact me if they need something? Once it gets to the point that the friendship is only there if I push for it... then it's no longer a friendship to me.
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"The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things. Of shoes, of ships, of sealing wax, of cabbages, of kings! Of why the sea is boiling hot, of whether pigs have wings..."
"I have a problem with low self-esteem. Which is really ridiculous when you consider how amazing I am.
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