When I was hospitalized the last time my counselor in group therapy asked us one day what we intended to do the de-stigmatize bipolar disorder. He recommended coming out at work, with your friends and family - with everyone - and on facebook.

I gave it a shot. I penned a blog. Talked openly about it on Facebook. Told my employer and took advantage of my short term disability benefits when I needed to be hospitalized. Tried endlessly to explain it to my family and friends.

I'm done with all that. Coming out destroyed my career and made bipolar disorder the go to attack when people felt the need to lash out at me. I'm tired of being labeled a freak - of having people assume that they know what I'm doing to do when even I have no idea - of people assuming I'm threatening just because I'm crazy (I'm not - I direct violence inward only). I'm sick of them knowing that I'm ill in a manic state but getting no quarter from them about what I do and say - all of which I agree I am responsible for - but it's the illness - not a character flaw - or maybe they are right and it is - I'm a bad person and I hurt people. Who knows.

I'm closing down my blog. Withdrawing. I'll seek help from people going through it but I'm absolutely done trying to make this known. It's just not worth it.