I havn't been able to talk to anyone about some "new" abuse memories, and the person at the center of those memories will be visiting at the end of the month. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I have tried to cut him out of my life as best I could because of other stuff, but other family members keep in touch with him. This will be his second visit since these suspiscions have surfaced. Last time I reacted pretty badly, but delayed (didn't hit till after the visit was over). I don't currently have a therapist (waiting on one to call from the agency) to either bounce ideas off of or to process anything...
I already know I will be staying away from him, but just the thought of him being close sets me on edge (he lives almost 2000 miles away). I can't exactly tell my mom why I don't want to see him or hear from/about him. I don't want to have to talk about the piecces of abuse I have not yet processed (and I don't want to get that look from her that conveys how pathetic she thinks I am, and how wrong my memories are)...
I have a whole host of coping skills, but this feels so overwhelming even without him around, I worry about when he does show...
I dunno. How do you deal with stuff like that?
There are times when I remember the abuse and it feels real and I "know" it happened (know I've known it all along but just stuffed it away like everything else), but there are other times when the flashbacks aren't happening that I doubt all of it and think I'm making it up. Looking at it from a distance, I can see how the pieces fit. But I don't think I want to believe it... and it's not like there's anyone I could ask. He would deny it even if it was true.
:/ I dunno...
Sorry. Not sure how to process this all.