hi ouch i relate to your attitude to meds ,not sure what it is but i don't like meds full stop,i've explored possible reasons too many to list when ive been very ill i've no other option.but to take meds so they have their place.i like to think my crashes are just that and i take meds till i'm out of them.the medical model has meds as the front line approach,i think a holistic approach is more suited to myself. communication with your doc about fears will hopefully help you both in coming up with the best form of treatment good luck