Does anyone else feel almost... addicted... to their depression?
For example, I was recently prescribed Adderall for possible ADHD. I don't believe I truly have ADHD but my doctor thinks it's a possibility and suggested I take these pills, so I figured I had nothing to lose.
I took the first one last Thursday and within a few hours I felt amazing. I was in the best mood I've ever been in. Like a complete state of euphoria. I was talking to my parents, telling them things I would never dream of telling them normally (dumb things like how I was and talking to them like they were just normal people and not my parents (Idk why I just have always felt that I could not tell them anything about myself. That's a problem for another day though.))
I was honestly convinced that my whole life was changed and I was finally a normal person. The whole day though, I had this sick feeling of disappointment in the back of my head. I guess it could be described almost as buying your dream house off of your best friend, who is now moving across the world and you will never see them again. Not really the best example but I'm havin a hard time puttin words together rn.
Anyway, I was almost upset that I was no longer going to have depression, and that I would no longer sit up in my room with the door shut and the lights off playing bass and wishing I wasn't alive.
On other occasions I have felt the same way, like I get into a good mood but then remember I'm not supposed to be in good moods and force myself back into depression. But the other day was the most extreme, since the pills I was on would not let me force myself back into depression. I was able to ignore the "longing" for depression, but it was still there all day.

Either way, I got my wish because that was the only day these pills worked. Now they're making all my symptoms worse if anything. But that's for a different thread.

Back on topic: So does anyone else ever feel as if they're almost "addicted" to their depression? I guess it's kinda like a safety blanket. I like sitting here in my dark red and black painted room with the lights off and just my Christmas lights that I have hung around the room turned on so it's dimly lit, playing bass and guitar, browsing the internet to waste time, and texting my friends instead of being outside with them. It makes me feel safe, and it feels like it's where I should be, and where I need to be if I want to continue being me.

Sorry if this is kinda jumbled and confusing, as I said my pills are really messing with my head so I can't really think strait or get my words out clearly.