There's just not enough room or time to list every time he has scared me. I am making sure that I am getting prepared for the worst case scenario. I have to get out of my denial and realize that my situation really is a dangerous one. It's so hard to accept that. Mental illness, violence, alcoholism, and rage runs in the family. His grandfather murdered 2 people, his dad killed himself, and now my husband is showing signs of serious mental distress and signs of losing control. I want to leave so badly but know it's a tough road to walk down when it means I will have to go to extreme measures. There won't be a civil divorce and I may have to go to a women's shelter - not that I don't have a place to stay but because it may need to be somewhere he can't find for our safety.

In May 2013, he stayed out all night partying and didn't come home til 9:30 AM. I actually spoke up for myself, and I told him I wouldn't tolerate that kind of disrespect, and that my son and I would spend the day out somewhere, and we'd be home later. He flipped... he said he was going to kill himself and went to the kitchen towards the knives, and I grabbed my son and ran for the front door. I was half way through the doorway when he caught me and pulled me back in, and grabbed our son of my arms and he shut the front door and I crumpled onto the floor in fear. And he yelled at me "If you ever try to leave with me and take our son with you ever again I'll kill you!" And he spit in my face. We were in marriage counseling at the time. So sickening.

Anyway, I have a hard time staying out of denial. And as far as talking to my loved ones about it, I find myself feeling embarassed. But I'm glad he has these charges now, I feel like he's finally being exposed for how he is behind closed doors.