@tony fudo
Yea I guess I should work on not wanting to be depressed.
Obviously I'll never get over it if I never want to get over it.

I guess this all ties in to my social anxiety and fear of breaking my norms.

Except I don't even know where to start reprogramming my brain.

I work out at least 4 nights a week, which is great for stress relief and confidence building,

I'm a black belt in Goju-Ryu so when my Lyme Disease permits it, I can defend myself.

I'm currently taking Tai Chi classes, mainly because until I get over Lyme I can't deal with the high impact martial arts, which is a very relaxing and calm activity, like yoga.

I don't have tons of friends but I have a tight group of really close friends who I can tell anything to, and I'll be going back to school (I took this last semester off) the end of this month, and I find it very easy to make friends at school, so that's not an issue either. (I know I'm kinda contradicting myself because I said I have social anxiety before but now I'm saying I can easily make friends, but I don't know somehow that works out lmao.)

I also play multiple instruments and am fortunate enough to own a decent sized collection with some really nice ones thrown in.

So yea, I know I'm not perfect, in fact I don't even think I'm good, but I think I do enough stuff that I should be happy.

But whatever. I'm sure eventually I'll grow out of it or something (19), or I'll find the right drug to sedate me so I don't realize how awful everything is and I live in ignorant bliss.