How's it going guys?

My depression has many reasons for it to grow on me, including: Extreme self-doubt, the lowest self-esteem known to man, very annoying obsessive repeated thoughts and behavior, and one in particular that includes my family, and I shall openly talk about that.

My parents still don't believe that I can handle myself, my "twenty one year-old" self. My father still asks me whether I mastered English or not (I'm Arabian, BTW), still asks after years upon years of me proving to him that I can indeed listen and understand English. Granted, it is not perfect, but that is who we are, imperfect 3 dimensional beings. My entire family never gave me the chance to speak my mind and fully address my thoughts, and this silencing comes from the idea of them wanting to fully speak their minds, which they perfectly do, while simultaneously not allowing any respond that would violate those thoughts and beliefs in any way, and my job is to just listen, and blindly agree.

I'm stressed out and depressed all the time, because me, on the other hand, never wanted to annoy my family by being talkative in any way. Do you see the irony of my situation? (Me and my family are both responsible for my frustration). I don't think they are ready to hear my thoughts, and if they do, they won't understand, not simply understand, but fully understand each word and see my point. It's like "We know best, and you SHOULD ALWAYS LISTEN to us. Be strong, it's nothing!" and that's only a fraction of what I always hear from them in response to my topic of discussion. And then I go to my room and lock myself in, and lash the hell out of myself for not making them understand by using my logic, but then I tell myself "I don't want to be rude. Just endure and take it, they well listen someday".

The bright side of all this, is that I know exactly what it feels like to be misunderstood, or not being able to finish a sentence even, which means that I'm totally not going to make my children (yet to be born, though) experience the urge of letting out burning thoughts while also not being able to do so.

Sorry for not being brief, but I'm simply speaking my mind, I'm sure you all understand this feeling of finally exploding in any way, while also having someone to listen to you.

Thanks!