I love his channel, but he had a really rough life like mine and similar to mine he went through tough sexual abuse and through stuff in a church systematic abuse too. The phrase he says around minute 40 to 42 is what I look at my life, despite my suicide wants and needs.

Like this girl gave me the first feelings of comfort I was so thirsty and starved to need in my soul and body. I'm so used to being starved, I don't know what love is and further more I know and understand it, but rather doubt to believe I'll ever receive it because people don't care and choose to not care. I'd rather been single and scared to jump in any relationships, because of trying to cope and just adjusting. She's super supportive person, I know there will be other nice people, but with my life getting much worse in many aspects and me still saying it will be fine and it will get better. Internalizing that I'll die soon when it's time to on my own according, feels so overwhelming.

I wanted to be a single parent, but glad I didn't suffer the abuse knowing my daughter would be in a wrecked home growing up with her mother depraved from her real dad and with some other 30 year old crazy grownup dating a 17 almost 18 year old last year now 19 I think when I was 19.

I would tell her she is going to be so pretty all the boys would be jealous of the right guy that takes her, but I would pay attention to her as much as possible and she'd be my world. She feels like she still is, even though she had to be aborted. Yes I loved my ex, but I was both in love, confused, and sexually wanting more sex from this codependent abuse I've constantly received.

Despite her trying to tell me that she hated me and all these horrible things, she just made up after I said something she didn't like so she blamed me for all her problems and her poor choices whether health, financially, sexually, whatever. She'd come to my house or somewhere immediately and convince me to have sex with her again.

Her honest response was, "I really liked your d..." a lot. It was biggest and best I've had, and my point was not bragging about my junk at all. It got so damaging that not just her, but many of my exes wanted me to stay as a guy and telling me the same thing. 2 other girls besides them, and girls I did hook up with when they said that to me when I was insecure. I didn't say anything about that to them, but I felt very insecure about how well built I was over all. Being told how attractive and handsome I am, and despite that, I didn't like it.

I'd wish, I been in a fun simple best friendship ever that be a relationship physically with another girl as a girl. That as a girl, I can no longer hide in my shame and be so pretty and have us help each other's hair if we need to go shopping, go out and do what most girls do together at the same time do what I do as a guy too. It doesn't matter as long we are together as we are I'm happy. I always wanted that and dreamed of that. Like she be petite and pretty like me. Like we are the same person in the same boat and just overall amazing people to our friends and family, but together we fit so well as close friends.