I have many days like this. I want to be left alone, but then I feel disconnected. There are days I go to work and my smile is genuine because I want to be there, but then there are more days when I just want to hide away. I don't want others to see the pain I feel on the inside. It's easier when they just see me as "normal". I also hate when people tell me to look at all the things I have to be grateful for- I KNOW there are good things in my life but telling me that's the answer to feeling better just actually makes me feel worse. I feel tired a lot and, at first, I felt bad for wanting to sleep/rest when I knew there were things to do, but then I started to tell myself it's okay. I try to be nicer to myself and it makes me feel less guilty. This "non-living" is a hard place to be! You're not alone.