In my session yesterday, I admitted my ET and everything to my T after 8 months of suffering! I'm hoping this will be encouraging to others with transference in general.
I've had positive and negative towards her. So negative that I was convinced she was acting like my mom on purpose to make me mad. I picked her apart so that I wouldn't care or have any feelings towards her. At the same time, my 7 year old self wanted her to tell me she cared about me, would be there for me, I would be ok, etc. She wouldn't say it at the time which made me think she didn't care. She said she had shown it to me.
Last week on her own with tears in her eyes she told me she cared about me. I was trying to tell her more about my feelings/ET and couldn't get it out. Last night I read her everything and she totally accepted me without judgment. I also told her my feelings including that I love her (not romantically, just for being there for me). Finally, for the first time I asked her if I could hug her as I left. I never wanted to before but I wanted to make sure that she really was accepting me. She said absolutely and then told me I would be ok.
Some of you have followed my story so I thought I would share and hopefully inspire others to talk more to their T's. It was the most difficult and terrifying thing I have done but it was so worth it. Now, I don't feel a need to guard what I'm saying but I do miss her.
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