i have been alone for so long i cant even remember! it seems like forever! but i think it has only been around 11 years. i really like being alone being able to make my own decisions, only having to take care of myself, doing anything i want anytime i want....it is total freedom. every once in a blue moon i think it may be nice to have someone but then i think of how i would have to have dinner at normal times, share the tv, share the bed and i am just not willing to give those things up so the thought goes away.

there are several reasons i am single. FEAR and old messages.

mom drilled it into me that since i am fat, no man would ever want me, so i just assume that, even though i have lost 60 pounds, i am still an XL, so feel i would be undesirable to men. though i did get invited out to coffee by a client yesterday...lol

my first and last two long term relationships were abusive. i have a bad picker. i totally fear that if i were to go out there and get into another one, it would just be a repeat of the same old stuff. i just attract bad men.