Quote:
Originally Posted by Purple Heart
Hi
I believe I have complex PTSD. I saw some Youtube channels which made a lot of sense to me to explain my symptoms. For the last 3 years now I have been experiencing PTSD and now I think it has all been under the umbrella of complex - PTSD due to the fact that I experienced multiple traumas as a child. The problem is that my symptoms are very intense and nearly every day I have flashbacks that are very intense and graphic. The flashbacks related to csa are especially intense. I'm experiencing one at the moment with an abuser and it is very painful and intense. It's not uncommon to spend a whole day in bed as the flashback leaves me debilitated as I can't move. My T tells me I have to go through it to get better and there is no easy solution. She also says the most painful of the flashbacks come at the end. The thing is I suffer immensely nearly every day. Does anybody else experience this?
PH
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I'm still processing C-PTSD in my own life after thinking I was simply crazy or a spineless coward my entire life. I still think that, but at least I have something to explain why I might be this way, so my two cents is that be thankful you already know why you are the way you are and that yes, I am similar to what you describe.
I don't have flashbacks in the sense the I re-live the moments, but I have what C-PTSD describes as "intrusive" thoughts, that constantly pop into my head and never stop, ever. It can be something as simple as having let someone talk down to me in front of my girlfriend five years ago, or a full blown recounting of being beaten unconscious during childhood, and everything in between. The thoughts are worse if I don't keep myself active so when it gets really bad I usually have to hole up and just play a mindless video game or spend hours at the gym, but even the gym doesn't always work because sometimes that enhances the thoughts by putting me in the mood where I want to find people from my past and have some face to face time... the same face to face time I once had but did nothing with (with the exception of when I was a defenseless child) and then the coward feelings start all over again.
I didn't expect this to be so long, but no you are not crazy, but so far no, I don't know that it gets any better either, no matter what people on this forum or some therapist tells you.
Don't stay strong, that is a meaningless encouragement-Be still and KNOW that are ARE STRONG, no matter what the C-PTSD does to you. If you have C-PTSD and are still here, you are stronger than you can even imagine.