So I opened up to my partner tonight about most of what's going on in my head, and I've never opened up to anyone like that before - I haven't even been able to open up like that to any therapists or other professionals who have tried to help me.
Basically, he was horrified and freaked out and I could tell I'd made a big mistake in opening up to him. He started to say I had to go back to the hospital straight away, and that he only got me out of there because I was asking and because he was scared that I would hate him if he left me in there. That's not at all the reaction I wanted. I told him I just need him to be supportive and not negative, because I know that if he is that I'll convince myself that it's a mistake to open up to people and I know that I would never open up again.
I had to promise I was okay and that I wouldn't do anything "stupid", then I said I had to get back to work, but really I was just running away from the whole situation.
I now feel like opening up is a bad thing - all i've done is upset and worried him, it hasn't made me feel any better. Maybe I was right for keeping it all to myself all the time?