Was inpatient for 5 days. Helped a lot to stabilize. Got out and that day had a terrible session with my therapist. I said some really mean things. Though - they were honest. I am not happy with how she was doing therapy and I let it all out.

I went home and contemplated suicide again. Almost brought myself to emerg today. Had a big fight with my mom today, two calls with my therapist - asking for forgiveness. She forgave me.

On the verge of going inpatient again. Its just not a good time right now but I will fight to stay alive because you all rock and we need eachother.