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Rapunzel said:
In this forum, where people are talking about something so personal as their beliefs and values and faith, we need to be careful not to sound like we are being invalidating about something that is so close to someone's heart. So, to the person who thinks cats are the best (remember we're really talking about expressing their heartfelt spiritual beliefs), it could be hurtful to say "I dislike cats because I am allergic to them." It isn't necessary to say anything at all against cats, or to be in any way critical of a person's stated belief. In the cat example, the person originally said "I believe that cats are the best." That is a personal belief. You may not share that belief, but you being allergic to cats is not relevant to their belief that cats are the best.

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Okay, I think you've made that clear, thanks. I guess part of my struggle about this is knowing that disagreeing does not necessarily equal invalidating or putting down. But if folks are highly sensitive to feeling invalidated or put down, even when in reality, objectively that is not happening, then I can see how it would be better for them if no one posted anything that differs from their views.

I appreciate you taking the time to clarify and explain this to me. I hope it's not non-supportive for me to say I don't agree with this approach, though given the above, I suppose it sure as heck could be taken that way regardless. But it's easy enough to follow now.

Thanks.

gg

PS It occurs to me as I get ready to post this that respect and support goes both ways. I'm thinking of the cat example again, though I realize that it's not on the same page as spiritual beliefs. Still, I respect anyone's right to think cats are the best pet. However, I have reasons to believe otherwise, reasons which are extremely important to me, and in this case crucial to my well-being. So if one is allowed to say they think cats are best, but I'm not to talk about my own important cat issues because someone might feel put down due to my allergy, well, that's not supportive to me, is it? So it's just who gets to posting it first to some extent, I suppose. Or, I have to respect you, but you don't need to bother to respect me, at least not in a thread you started.

And to bring it back to spiritual beliefs, I am quite likely to have very important to me reasons for believing as I do. First, I know I'm beating a dead horse about this, but my beliefs have nothing to do with anyone else's, so if someone feels put down by them, (assuming I've communicated in a respectful, active first person voice way) well, then they need to extract themselves from my space. And to say that my belief is not relevant to their belief, well, what's the point of posting then, if not to have dialog of some sort about what you post? Unless one just wants to have a billboard of sorts? But beyond that...oh never mind. Bah. My head hurts now.

Like I said before, easy enough directives to follow. That's probably good tylenol.

thanks again

gg