I know 2 months isn't a long time, but when you have two kids to take care of and a husband in chronic pain, it's an eternity.

I started taking Lexapro about 2 months ago, and started therapy. But it's just getting worse. I already increased my dosage nearly three weeks ago, it should be having an effect now, right?

Last night (well, yesterday morning, and then again very early this morning) my husband and I were talking/arguing about communication and the things that bother us. It's been a lot of tears, and a lot that I just didn't want to say to him. I wasn't ready to say it, but he got it out of me anyway.

I didn't want to say it because I feel that it's not fair that he's in all this pain, and then I should tell him that I don't like something about him?? That's seriously &ucked if you ask me.

On top of all that he's been through this year, his beloved bird of 12 years passed away this weekend. It's been complete devistation, and I am completely sympathetic, I also loved him, but I know they had an amazing relationship. So, when he pressed me for talking, I really didn't feel it was the right time. Not to mention, I'm the type that has to write it out, and think about my words, otherwise things come across wrong.

I'm just tired of feeling depressed, and hopeless, and like everything I do I fail at.

I'm just talking in circles, even here. I have a ton of work to get done in the house, my father is coming here to see me this weekend for the first time in 5 years. I'd like the house to not look like hell. And yet I can't bring myself to get off my *** and get moving. I once again lack the motivation. a month ago, the house looked great, I was cleaning and scrubbing and putting things away. but now, ugh, where do I start, where does it all go?! And how on Earth did I managed to get all that done with a 5 and 1 yr old under foot?!

Here comes the baby, she's wanting some help.

Somebody please tell me it'll get better, I can't live like this. This isn't living. This is dying, slowly.