Hi Hvert!

re: Analyzing things - do you think it might just be part of your personality? I'm like that too, and I think it might just be a personality trait. Have you ever looked at the "DISC" personality system? I took a test based off it once, and scored highest in blue, which correlated to... oh gosh, I can't remember what the letters stand for, I think it was "C" which was... conscientiousness. So, paying attention to details and analyzing stuff. My undergrad work was in computer science and I think that's a good match for conscientiousness. (Somebody once told me that "a good programmer is someone who looks both ways before crossing a one-way street"! I *loved* that!)

Since you mentioned working in technology, I wonder if that might be part of it? And, if so, I guess I wanted to tell you that it's not a *bad* thing - it just means we need a lot more detail and precision when making decisions! I'm the same way, I weigh *everything* and do as much research and info-gathering as I can. It can be exhausting, and I'm trying to learn to identify what things don't need so much research so I can make time for more important things.

Anyway, why is that guy emailing you now? Is this the "I'll be back in touch early in the new year" email? I guess he doesn't know that the rest of the company wants to get this functionality away from him? Ugh - they're putting you in a really rotten spot. You shouldn't be the one who has to tell him that he shouldn't be running this, that's crazy!

That is weird that you just talked to your friend, and that now she seems to be saying something different. Yikes... good luck getting it figured out. Again, maybe that's a sign that it's not the right opportunity? For me, that sort of thing makes me nervous - when thinks don't seem to add up correctly, it seems like it's because there's something underhanded or bizarre going on, and I don't deal well with stuff like that. Better to avoid it if possible but that's just been my experience!

Anyway, it IS weird here how stressful not having anything to do is. I've tried explaining it to my therapist, but I don't think he's getting it. I don't mind "down time" at all and am great at keeping myself busy and entertained, but this is a fairly frequent thing with my boss, and it makes me feel like I don't matter at all. Like I don't exist. And, I just had a "team meeting" with him, and I told him that I'm not working on anything, but am talking to someone later this afternoon about a project, and he just thought that was great. It's like he didn't even hear the fact that right now, I've got *nothing*. But, my boss also said something like, "I think things are coming together from a synergy perspective, and I'm gratified to hear that." - so I think he's off in his own happy place these days!

I know what you mean about a lack of focus. I feel that too. The truth is, there are just LOTS of things that fascinate me... and right this second, my job isn't one of them, sadly. I'm starting to think though that my real job in this lifetime is to figure out all my health stuff (physical and mental) and that needs to be my focus, and that the "job" is just a way to support myself until I get all that taken care of ("one day..."). But I don't know, your job has such a big effect on your mood and health, I don't know that I can afford to wait it out... who knows. I'm interested in crazy stuff (like writing for TV or theater!) but I don't really have any skills in those areas... I did take an acting class last fall and *loved* it so much... though it's crazy stressful and I don't think I really have any talent (or looks!) for that sort of thing, it was oodles of fun. I'm trying to work up the nerve to take the next class soon!

Good luck with dealing with all the "potential work" stuff!