connect.the.stars,

Every year I have barn swallows nest in my barn and I get to watch them be born and grow and finally get big enough to leave the nest. However, they don't leave the nest right away, instead they stand on the edge of the nest and flap their wings for a while, it always makes me nervous as I fear they will fall and get hurt. Then they fly a short distance to a stall door and then try to fly back to the nest again, unfortunately I have learned to cover the water bucket because I found one drowned because it must have accentally fallen in.

Well, then they like to fly up to a ledge with a long window that I have above the big sliding doorway that is the entry to the barn. They tend to get stuck up there, can't figure out the glass and they keep flying into it and the whole time the parents are keeping watch and sometimes they show the young birds how to get back to the nest again until finally they show them how to fly out of the barn to a dogwood tree I have not far from the barn. And then they again fly back into the barn to the nest again and for a while the babies and the parents roost at night on the nest or close by because they are now too big to actually fit "in" the nest. Gradually these babies go past the tree and fly way up high and learn how to hunt for insects. Then, one day, they are just all gone. However, in late spring they come back and have their own families and they just remember "how" to show their own babies to slowly find their way out of the nest too. Oh, I have a lot of them nest in my barn now and they sure do make a lot of noise while they figure out where to build their nests. I admit, they do make a mess, but I so enjoy them every year that I don't mind.

Well, human beings tend to learn that way too, only we are more sophisticated and we certainly take much longer to grow and get to a point where we actually "know" how to leave the nest and thrive on our own. And now we know that the human brain doesn't fully mature until age 25, and the last thing to develop fully is the decision making part of the brain. As that part is maturing, a human being begins to "want" to make more decisions and it is normal to not quite be sure just "how" yet, but to want to try.

Well, often part of the learning about "how to" takes place when we go off to college and get to live away from home. As you know, the decisions made during this time are somewhat "wild and even wrecklace with many" because during this time often "lets party" takes place, however, this is also a time when bad things can happen too. That is when many begin to find out how others can be "not so nice" too. Also, many have to figure out how to practice self dicipline and actually study and hand things in on time too. Also they learn what "stress" is and have to figure out how to manage that too. Keep in mind though that while these young adults are involved in this whole college deal, their brains are still not fully developed "yet". Everything still new, lots of chatter and flapping of wings and even trying to figure out what relationships are in this new environment too.

Well, after finally graduating another new thing needs to happen too, learning how to have a "real job" and what that means too. Well, that is just the beginning too, and that experience typically takes place "again" before the brain is still fully developed. So, that is equivalent to getting to that tree outside my barn. And a lot of young adults live at home when they are experiencing this part as well. And yes, often the parents resume with "instructing and managing".

One big mistake that is often made is when a young female adult gets away from that and gets married. She skips a very important part of learning how to first go from the nest and actually make decisions about more than just a job, which is part of what she needs to do when first actually learning how to make decisions of her own. A first "real" job and home is not enough, she needs to make even more choices, shop for herself, buy her own groceries, budget her money, save some and spend some and slowly learn what that means and how to make good choices. Then, "if" the job is fullfilling to her it may be time to get her own place, not a place with a guy, but her own place. If, the job is not something she really likes, then it is time to think about maybe grad school or adding to what she has learned so she can get a job she likes better.

I don't know what you do for work, but I have noticed you are very creative. If you are creative then you should find ways to learn more about what you love being creative with so you can utilize that talent in what you end up doing for a job somehow. It is normal to have a creative side and not quite know what to do with it as a young adult. Often a person will dabble around something they like without being able to make a decision of direction "yet" and that it typical as that part of their brain is not really "there" yet. A lot of young adults don't realize this and get all frustrated with themselves, even get depressed and some laze around writing poems about their despair because of how they are struggling so much emotionally with no direction, another typical for this age too.

Ok, "creative, sensitive, emotional, and no direction" in spite of being very bright, even gifted. Oh, I have been there myself, and oh how I wish I had someone explain to me what I am telling you now. I told you I was a lead singer in a band, yes, I was good at that but I was too young to know what to do with all the attention that brought to me. I wrote a lot too, and I also was very gifted in painting and drawing too. I walked away from the stage because I did not know how to handle the things people wanted of me, including my manager and the guys in the band too. I got an offer from a big time producer and I walked away because I was so worried about what "he" wanted of me too. Well, even though I did walk away from all of that, I had still learned things from it that helped me later that I did not realize then, but, ofcourse I had not fully developed "yet".

When I ran away and got my own little place, even then I was still not quiet ready. I ended up giving in to a friend that begged me to move in because her parents had kicked her out. I did not realize she just saw me as a way out of her own dilemma with her parents that you are describing. My apartment was only one big room with a fireplace, a good size bathroom and a little side kitchen area. It was not good for two young females to share. This other girl stole my clothes and helped me learn all about why "not" to share my little place. However, while I did experience all that the hard way, I still took that step and "learned" from it so in my mind, I did know I could do that kind of adventure, just not that way. Funny how we actually learn and gain from making choices, even bad ones. I learned how to shop for food on my own, make my own meals and pay my own bills with what I had earned at the time. I even learned how to furnish that small apartment on my own too and my landlord loved what I did so much he wanted me to do his place too.

If you go and learn more about what to do with your talents, even if you don't become a writer you can have skills you can teach. When a person is very creative they can make money with it in a lot of different ways, did you know that? I have a flair for decorating, especially for Christmas, well, people want to have that done but not do it themselves. I earned money that way. I bet you have "vision" where you can picture things, do you know how many people can't do that? Do you know some people actually don't know how to dress in a way they look good? There are people who are good at that and they actually "help" people figure out what looks good on them, my mother was amazing at helping people pick out cloths that show off their good aspects and make up for whatever they lack.

Well, right now, you have a job and live at home, and you are depressed but full of creativity. You need to see what is out there to cultivate that creative part of you and you need to learn how to do that for yourself. You are in the nest and are flapping your wings, but you need to learn to fly "to" something to get you started and then to something else. You have a job, so use some of that money to fly "to" something and set for a bit then try something else. That is the beginning of slowly flying away verses having others tell you what to do or what to think and even decide.

Then, someday your goal should be having your own little place and make sure you do that on your own eventually and not do that in a partnership. You need to know you can do that on your own in case a partnership doesn't work out for you. You are wanting to begin making choices, and at 22 your are not fully developed in that area "yet" but you can take steps that satisfy that growing urge in you. Part of doing that even better is at first learning how to fly to things and "learning" and in your case, I think you should do that by flying to places you can learn to be more creative. At 22 one isn't supposed to already be there, which is a mistake so many make in their thinking when they are that age, it's just that you are ready to begin that process. So no more laying in bed in despair my dear, pick some places to fly to and do it on your own and pay for it on your own too. Actually, the more your parents see you do this, the more they will begin to let go too. That is what the birds did, they finally knew to let go.

OE