I suspect my problem has been mostly due to previous sexual experiences were always negative and/or scary. There's a lot of shame and disgust based on my childhood and observing how my parents related to each other and seeing other people's disgust and negative emotions about my sexuality. I've spent a good portion of my life trying to "shut it off" and I think I partially did. We also started being sexual a little too soon for our own good. For his entire life, women dumped him mere weeks after they start dating and so he felt rushed in being sexual before (as he believed) I would immediately dump him. Besides, he hadn't had a sexual partner in years and was probably really afraid this was his only chance. Of course, due to my history, I didn't really think I could say no and can't really communicate "no" anyway.

I also have anxiety so it's probably impossible at this point to fully open up and relax. We really should just go to a therapist, but I'm too anxious to make an appointment and he's too unfocused to remember to do it. Eventually, it might happen, but it might be a while.

I think we're pretty emotionally intimate. I mean, we can pretty much read each other and communicate with each other really well. It's like we've always known each other even though we met at the beginning of the fall semester (late August-ish). I'll still look into intimacy though as I'm sure everything can be improved.