I have been off work since November when I ended up in hospital for a few weeks. I was in a bad place then and hospital definitely helped get me through that. But gradually the same thoughts that led me to that hospital stay are creeping back in again. This is why I hate my head. Because the thoughts always come back. Always. And so I wonder continuously why I keep on living. What is the point when it always ends up the same? You'd think I would learn how to handle it by now, and I guess I'm better at handling it than I used to be. But it is still hard. I'm still always feeling that at the end of the day I just need to end it. How do I get away from that idea? It's so ingrained in my head that I think it will always be there. I can't get by without having a plan in my head of how to get out of this. I'm always working on it, even in times when I feel ok. Can I change this? Do I even want to change it? I really don't know how to get out of this way of thinking. I am stuck.