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Jan 07, 2015, 08:20 PM
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 2
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Hello All -
I have been a lurker for about a year now and finally got up the courage to post. I have had many, many issues over the years but for now I want to focus on one that I believe is causing everything else to happen... my anxiety.
First, some basics. I am 27-year-old female born and raised in Florida. My upbringing seemed normal until I got older and reflected back. Some points of interest include lying, stealing, hoarding, uncleanliness, alcoholism, parental absence, etc. between myself and other family members.
LONG story short, I have seen a handful of therapists for my issues. The issues include, but are not limited to: anxiety, depersonalization DP/DR, OCD, Pure O, depression, flight anxiety, family issues, etc.
One thing they have all told me is that since I went through some chaotic times in my life mostly from the age of 19- now, that I am constantly running at a higher speed (compared to an engine with higher RPM's than normal). This is why when I try to relax my brain starts going haywire. I can see this being the case because when I finally got with my boyfriend when I was 23, a lot of things hit me at once. I stopped partying and drinking as much (stuff I used to do because I was young AND trying to escape family drama), and all of the realizations of my life came flooding back to me.
Anyways, I'm not even sure if that makes sense. Basically, my brain is running all the time, and negatively at that. I obsess about death, and sadness, and worry constantly about the future. When panic attacks strike, this is all magnified and I become depersonalized. I have lost my job over this, and my self-confidence as well. I even began to question whether I had a soul, and other existential thoughts as well.
So this makes sense to me! My question is: is there a way to "relax" without the intrusive, negative thoughts flooding back into my head? My therapist said it would be a slow process, which is fine, but I still don't know WHAT to do. I will say that meditation and yoga are NOT working... they make me more anxious. I know some people say to push through and I've tried, I just don't know if it's for me. I feel there must be something else out there!
Thank you for your time - I appreciate any and all responses! I really do hope to reach out and help some of you guys as well with some of my insight, but tonight, I can only focus on myself at this point. 
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