Hi, Sadmommy...
Been there, done that...for 20 years, in fact.
You can do this kind of thing for a very long time...a whole lifetime, numb yourself and go on, which sounds like what you're doing....like I did.
At the same time, it's no picnic out there alone either. If you are determined to make your marriage work, maybe you'll find a way. I've never regretted for one minuted divorcing my husband, no grieving whatsoever, since I had wanted out during the entire duration, only waiting till my daughter left for college to leave myself.
At the same time, I look back on this as my weakness and insecurity that I could make it on my own, or that I would receive any kind of financial help from him if I did leave, listening to and believing his threats that I would "be out in the street with nothing, and my daughter taken away from me." I was so browbeaten and believed him.
In retrospect, I think I could have asserted myself and had some rights and gotten some support.
Are you conflicted about what you want to do? Do you feel you love the man? If so, maybe the counseling will help you arrive at a good and balanced decision.
Patty