Little Jay,
I know this is extremely difficult but I really think you should tell the professionals everything and if you end up in the hospital then that is where you should be. I know it sucks on a whole bunch of fronts your job (so you can pay bills plus I do not know how giving/understanding they are with you being out) but you musttake care of yourself first. You cannot be good to anyone else until you can start feeling better. On the boyfriend front if you can explain to him that if you do go in you are going to do your very best to listen to the doctors on every expect. Do not make promises though unless you can assure you will keep them. Let the doctors figure out what is going on physically and mentally (as to me it sounds like more than depression also is going on - take that for what it is worth because I am like you someone who is going through things. And please please do not say you are stupid. It is understandable that when you were feeling better you thought you might be able to get off your meds. My rule of thumb when it comes to my medication I follow exactly what they say and if I feel I should be coming off something I will talk to them as you can have so many reactions mostly not good if you stop abruptly. I wish you the best hang in there. Please PM me anytime if you would like...