I just spent five hours trying to come up with a response. The amount of time and energy I am putting into this problem is so inappropriate. I really need to stop this.

So I said I'd be happy to meet, gave clearly defined parameters about how much notice I'd need for a meeting (no one day notice, thanks!), and then pitched an arrangement that would suit me (1-2 days per week) - everything framed in terms of meeting their needs and solving their problems. We'll see.

I do think you are right that the inability to deal well with craziness/mixed messages is mostly an internal issue. For me it has less to do with internal stability than just a lack of understanding or confidence that I understand what's appropriate/reasonable to ask for and what isn't.

One of my current goals is to be more proactive about clearly asking for what I want, without getting too involved in the drama around whether or not my desire is reasonable or if anyone is willing to accommodate... and that is why I am so annoyed that I spent five hours this morning on that email.

As a culture, I feel like we are moving towards a tendency is to write a bad review of a restaurant on our iPhone as opposed to requesting that our dissatisfaction be addressed on the spot. I don't want to be part of that. It's not efficient and doesn't make anyone happy.

It was a step forward to put the offer out there instead of just saying to myself that they will never accept it, so what's the point. I do think that we can find that internal stability or whatever it is - it just takes practice?

I'm so glad you are getting more work - especially if it's more interesting than what you were doing. I hope the transfer to the other team is still a possibility! This deal you describe where you have to be on hand for a call that may or may not come is one of the things that turns me off the most about tech.