Im sorry ive created the second thread in this section, but i cant hold it anymore, need some advice.
All my efforts to raise my self-esteem going in vain: the affirmations, the gym trainings, the boxing trainings, the writing hobby, the new language im learning, the interactions with two of my friends. All these things have no effect because of one particular comparison that stuck in my mind.
Im talking about my ex-best friend. We met in 1st grade of school and were friends for 15 years. In 10 grade he left the school, because he had huge sudden success with his site, that made him fortune. He went on travel in USA and met some celebrities, had fun and saw places, which i can only dream of.
All the while i felt like i helped him to achieve those things by supporting him and part of the pride of this achievement is mine. Of course, i was little envy even back then, because we had one starting-ground and he ended up having much better life than i will ever have. So, i did what i could, ended school with bad grades and finished very mediocre institute.
Long story short, our friendship ended very brutally, after i introduced my ex-girlfriend (which was my first gf, i always had trouble getting along with girls) to him, she decided that he is much more better guy than me, she cheated with him, and after that she stopped talking to me whatsoever, just like i never existed. I gave him ultimatum - either he deletes her from his life permanently or we are done as friends. He agreed that we are done.
Since then, i just can't raise my self-esteem. Every time i want to feel something positive about my life, the memory of his life appears in my mind and spoiling everything. We were similar in the beginning, the poor middle-class families, socially awkward, outcasts in school. But he had great father while i raised by a single mother. He is confident, knows how to be a man, has sense of humor that charmed my ex-gf, he has loads of money and big fame. He has everything i don't have. I remember how the douchbags of our school class, who didn't talk to him at all, started to praise him and calling him "superstar", while i just stood behind him, feeling like worthless garbage.
But right now this feeling multiplied by thousand. He stole the only girl i ever had and he is living his luxury life with her, while i barely survived the suicide attempt and fell into deadly depression.
If someone would want to write some advice, please don't say the line "make his success motivation for yourself" - i hate this one. No matter what i will do, i will never have this kind of success. My life will be very mediocre at best, my profession wont bring me any luxury, because its not so profitable, i wont ever be famous, pretty girls wont ever feel attracted to me, because all of them loves the money and status, which i don't have. How to stop feeling bad because he is better than me in everything? I just want to stop feeling so low and hating myself. Thanks for reading, i look forward to some advice!