Hi d.o.a, it really wasn't your fault
We do see it as parents responsibilities should be to be supportive, attentive, nurturing, caring, free with giving and showing love...........but the sad reality is that there are "parents" who just aren't able to do that. No way, no how.........they just don't have it in them. You could have behaved any way whatsoever but those "instincts" just weren't going to be there.
But that doesn't mean that you and your feelings are any the less important. You matter just as much whatever your parents problems were. You're not a reflection of how your parents behaved, you're still you, and you still matter!!!!
Now time to try to separate yourself off from some of their "inadequacies", hey??
Time to accept that you do deserve to be valued, respected, supported by others, to be cared about, to be loved?? And there are going to be people out there without the "difficulties" your parents had who can/will show you that. Who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.
And you...........you need to try and treat yourself better too, right??!!
You've been a long way, you've had to face enough abuse, please try not to let that continue through yourself. You don't deserve it!!
I completely understand it's not that easy but.........step by step???
And we're here to support you with that.

Alison