You're writing down FACTS of what he does. You aren't making stuff up when you say that he has files on you, that he asks about your past sex life, that he listened to your therapy session, etc.

Those are not instances of you being misleading, or misinterpreting. Those are facts of things he has done.

You are in fact really sounding like you are in an abusive relationship. As Bill said, he's shaming you into submission.

So he's "loving" sometimes? Sure, sometimes. Abusers do things like that to make you doubt yourself and try to make you think that you're imagining and over-exagerrating.

If you can't share your thoughts and feelings with your partner because you are scared of his reaction, then that is a signal that you are not in a healthy relationship at all.

And you know what? Yes, maybe you ARE scarred from your past. But that does NOT excuse the fact that he's doing all of these things to you. You're not imagining things or being "over" sensitive, or anything at all. What he is doing is what HE is doing, and what he is doing is abusive.

And he's trying to make it so that YOU come off as the person who can't be trusted? Are you kidding me? He is the one who listened in on your therapy session! And he thinks YOU'RE being paranoid?! FFS, he keeps a record of all the things you've said and wants to read what you write to your friends and listened to your therapy session! He is turning his behaviours around and somehow claiming that you're doing them and/or at fault for everything he does. That's manipulation and that's abuse. You are not to blame for what he does.