Hello -- My ex of 8 years and I broke up last August. The breakup was harsh... we had a really bad tendency of not voicing our frustrations (out of care for each other) until they hit a melting point. This lead to a massive meltdown that left us both really hurt.

I have since taken ownership of my role in the break-up. He had his issues and I had mine, but nothing was a dealbreaker. We had false start reunion in November, but I jumped in too strong too soon and he pulled away.

We stay in contact. I've learned the do's and don'ts of talking to an ex as far as effective communication and reconciling. Since our split, I have been taking care of myself. Going to therapy, giving up alcohol. working out/losing weight. All things that he wanted to see me do while we were together, but I was too stubborn to do when I felt like I was being pressured into it.

His main issue right now as far as getting back together is that seeing me doing all these things is off-putting in his mind -- considering I was so actively against doing them while we were together. I'm doing well and not doing them to appease him, but I want to be sympathetic and understanding to his feelings because I know they are valid (because he is feeling them).

I know he has to process these feelings in his own way, but is there anything I can do/say/display that will help him in the right direction. Right now, I am just trying to build communication and be supportive of his life.