I really haven't told much of my story here or anywhere else. To paraphrase, I was abused by my brothers from the ages of 8-12. It wasn't until starting therapy for depression that I learned what an impact it had on the person I am today. I have a very caring therapist for the past 16 months and I'm pretty sure that I trust her and feel totally safe when I'm with her.

During these months of therapy I have made some progress as far as expressing myself. However, I also know that I have been severely depressed the past few weeks and because of this, I am spending more time zoned out and disassociated from myself. I brought in something I wrote that explained all this to her. But, she seemed to bypass all that and suggest that it's time that I give her details of the abuse so that I can become desensitized from the trauma. Then she went on to tell me we have tried everything else and that my saying the words is the only thing left.

I just feel like I'm not in a good place right now to talk about it any further. Even when I try to speak, nothing comes out. My hesitation is that I will be re-traumatized or I won't say the right words, making it sound not as bad as it was. My first instinct was to run from her and the whole therapy process. But I hate to think of all these months of therapy wasted because of my fears.

So now I feel angry with my t. I feel betrayed. And I am terrified that if I don't follow through with going in to detail, she'll either give up on me or I'll give up on myself. She did tell me that it was my choice to give the gory details. But even so, I feel like because she is suggesting strongly that it would be best, that I'll let her down if I don't. I don't want to fail therapy.

Thanks for any help you can offer.