Quote:
Originally Posted by CANDC
Dear DD, welcome to Psych Central (PC). You sound like you are making this breakup into a positive experience for self growth and self reconciliation. You are doing what could resolve some issues that were on the table.
I don't understand his block
If he is not supportive of your improvements, maybe he just used those as covers for his real feelings or maybe he has already given up on reconciliation. I don't know why. Did you ask him what it would take to get back together? If he won't commit to a plan, maybe he is not working on himself and the junk is just drowning his enthusiasm.
What I think you can do is keep working on yourself. Whatever he decides, you will be in a better place. Some relationships reach a wall and both parties are not willing to do the work to get beyond it. If not this relationship, you will attract another one with your improved image and esteem.
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I should have elaborated more. He wanted me to go to therapy with him, I said no for my own reasons. He wanted me to make more time with him on the weekends, I said that I had to work all weekend long. He told me what his needs were, but I dismissed them because I felt like I was being told what to do. I was stubborn and I admit to it now. I called him controlling. I told him he made me feel like a child. In reality, I was acting like a child. He said it is hard for him to see me do everything he wanted me to do when I made him feel bad for having my best intentions in mind. I get it. I would be hurt if the tables were turned.
But I also know that he is sticking around. And I personally don't view this as a dealbreaker compared to some of the huge hurdles that we have had to encounter in the past. I do think time will make those feelings go away, as long as I create an environment where he feels like his feelings and needs are being heard.