I struggled with acceptance. I always knew that my moods weren't normal and was consumed with self loathing thinking there was something innately wrong with me. With the dx my fear was realized - there was something ''wrong' with me. I had always tried to blame my moods on something else, some outside influence but knew it began and ended with me. Once I accepted that I wasn't a bad person for having BP I suddenly resented it. Why were my moods 'wrong' or not healthy? I loved my highs. I eventually accepted that there was a price to pay for being up and that was going back down. For years I fought the need for meds.

I've accepted it now. I don't think about it very often. If I catch it in time, I can usually head off a deep depression knowing that it's the BP acting up not the end of the world and that I have my therapist and med's to help.