LelouchLamperouge,

I am sorry that you feel so misunderstood and unappreciated by your father. Maybe he doesn't understand that you are depressed, and merely thinks that you are "lazy".

Do you have any regular interractions with him, in which he could see that you aren't real happy? Do you attend meals and eat? Do you talk with others during the meal/s? Are you able to maintain eye contact with anyone? Does he ever witness you laughing or smiling?

Different answers to these Q's are a small testimony to one's depression that should be referred to. I'm not suggesting that you do this to defend yourself. Rather, it is an explanation. An explanation that you are depressed and have a very difficult time communicating with most everyone nowadays; food means nothing to you (or perhaps you're in the slim minority of people that can & do eat excessively at times); to sum things up, life is just really hard for you right now.

In my experience, being out on the streets & depressed feels a whole lot crummier than it does in an unhelpful household. I have been fighting treatment-resistant depression for at least 30 years now. Age is not a factor. Sex is not a key factor either. Although more women do go in for treatment of depression, a significant portion of men also fight this disease ~ depression.

Please, at least go see your regular doctor. They can and often do prescribe anti-depressants. Second, I strongly recommend sitting down with someone that you trust (in the family), and let a load off ~ just be careful not to become graphic with ideas that you sometimes struggle with. That stuff is mostly for professionals, therapists or doctors, they know the right Q's to ask to get a better understanding of a person's mindset.

I wish you the very best. Gentle hugs too!