So, I forgot all about this, but seeing "psychiatrist" brought it back to mind. A week ago or so I decided I was uncomfortable with Eskalith and the uncertainty of lithium blood levels, and didn't think it was making much difference, so I decided to start lowering myself off it. Yeah, yeah, dumb, but I'm independent, and doctor appointments are a hassle. Only took it down 1/3, though, from the remaining 3/4 of what was originally prescribed but lowered by my pdoc. Maybe that's affecting me, I can't remember how much I cared before that. Seems like I haven't really cared since this thing first came on 34 days ago, like all that's changed is the formerly urgent need for suicide. But I just took the prescribed amount again, so I'll see how that goes.

Heh, actually, I'd never heard the word before, it's what my pdoc labelled me, said I was the definition of anhedonia. I don't mind, though. He said it in the context of trying to get me to care. I just like knowing what this is called... it's very weird. Except mine's beyond normal anhedonic depression, it's present without the usual major fatigue, utter hopelessness and worthlessness, helplessness, self-loathing, feeling trapped, sadness/crying spells. I don't care enough to feel those, all I feel is what I think I should - if I'm like this, I should feel frustrated and depressed about it, upset enough to cry, and I near that, but only because I tell myself I should, I don't really feel those ways. It's very weird - ambivalent anhedonia, I guess.

<font color=green>____________________________
Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.</font color=green> Sounds good...