I think the fact I called and asked for help played a big role. She mentioned how this is atypical for me and that when I do reach out she knows the situation is serious.
I also went into details about some of my thoughts and she told me that if I really meant what I just said she had to call an ambulance for me. We worked out that these were only thoughts and that because I'm afraid to act on them I'm not likely to do so.
And I finally let my guard down and let her really see my pain.

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