Alex, that is a very challenging letter you sent to your T.

I like this bit from your message to us, that you did not include in the letter to T:

"what do i have to do to get you to want to work with me, to want to help me? i see your interest... i see the way your face lights up. dammit... i want to get better."

That is very powerful, in direct, plain language, in your own words. The "stanzas" you did include in your T letter are similar: ("What does one need to say... what does one need to do... to get a little help?") I think this sort of message can pierce through and connect. Sometimes quoting experts and their passages can camoflauge one's true intent. I love it when you use your own words--you write and express yourself beautifully.

What techniques does your T tend to favor to deal with trauma? My therapist is a trauma specialist (among other hats he wears). He has good results with EMDR, which helps process stuck trauma. I have done EMDR about 4 times to deal with childhood trauma and had good results. Maybe it's good you have the trauma to work on in therapy, as this can relieve some of the pressure to have your alters come out and talk directly with him. This could relieve some of your T's focus on that, and he could redirect to work with you on the trauma, a challenge that maybe he has some good methods for dealing with. Resolving trauma would be a huge accomplishment in therapy! It would help build the alliance through your working together on this, and also set the stage for whatever you do next (in therapy). (Does he know you want to work on the trauma?)

Hang in there, alex. I'm glad you have another session this week.