I had some anxiety this morning. Then some suicidal planning. Then I was able to snap out of it after I had my coffee. So far I don't feel like im going to have another panic attack tonight.

Since I feel mostly myself I asked a girl out on a date. I just hope I can get my mind off mental illness. I'm always self monitoring because my health is so terrible and effects me everyday. I'd rather be untreated for my schizophrenia than have these chronic panic attacks. Last time I had a long string of them I remember waking up feeling great one miraculous morning and the only thing that was on my mind was whether I should get a gun before another panic attack sets in. Last nights lasted 5 hours. My coping mechanisms helped a ton, and I took two klonopins, but they took forever to work. One of my coping mechanisms is to tell my mother greek myths or stories from the books I've read. I told the story of the Iliad, the Odyssey and a myth in Plato's Symposium until the Klonopin set in.

The good news is is that it's 5pm, which is when either my depression or my panic attack would begin to start. Neither have set in so I believe it's going to be a nice night. A nice night with a nice girl. We will be having pizza if she calls me back. I could use a few drinks after last night. I'll have to think of a few topics so conversation never dips into what I really think about all the time, my health.