My worst psychotic episode happened almost 3 years ago. I had been manic for a while and hyper religious. I gradually became more and more delusional until God was speaking to me and I was seeing Jesus. My family didn't know what to think. It was when I crashed and knew something was very off that I realized how sick I had been and went back to a pdoc. I have really struggled with this, mostly because I still can't reconcile reality from delusions at this point. I still wonder if some of the so called delusions I had were really just things God gave to me, between the two of us. Since I am still a christian, this has caused tremendous stress on my relationship with The Lord. Also, I am afraid if I practice my faith at all, it will make me manic and eventually psychotic. I hardly even pray. The worst part is I had a dream I've believed was prophetic that said if I started to believe that The Lord was making me sick I would walk away from him. It seems that is just what has happened. That said, it is slowly getting better.