You're welcome, and it's easy to empathize with what you're describing. It would seriously drive me crazy too!

And, ah! I'm sure you mentioned before that you're doing this for the practice, and I forgot it. That makes sense, though you're a braver person than me! I don't think I'd have the patience to deal with that guy, even if just to practice standing up for myself. But, good for you! And good luck with the mystery meeting next week - at least you know WHEN it is... ... although that is pretty terrible that he hasn't told you what it's about or who you'll be talking to. *sigh*.

Glad to hear your friend has another project for you too!

Wow - that's a great story about your boyfriend. I wonder if it's "confidence"? Guys seem to have too much (i.e. they're over-confident, even when they shouldn't be!) and women seem to have not enough. Years ago I caught an interview on the radio, the guy was a soccer coach who had coached both men and women. The interviewer asked if there were any differences and, silly me, I was expecting him to say something like, "no, not at all, when you get out on the field, gender doesn't matter - they're all athletes competing and doing their best."

That wasn't what he said! He said, "Oh... YES." He then explained that if he walked in to the men's locker room before a game and said something like, "Hey guys, everyone has been doing a great job, but there's ONE person who isn't really pulling his weight and needs to step it up..." - that *every* guy in the room would think they knew who he was talking about, and it was NOT him. If he said the same thing to the women, *every* women would think it WAS her.

It's weird, but it rang true for me... and I've noticed it (about myself) in other contexts. I take piano lessons, and one year my crazy teacher (not a native English speaker) sent out a mass email telling all his students how wonderful we'd done over the year, and how he had enjoyed working with MOST of us on our music. LOL. Thankfully, I had a long enough history with him at that point to know that it couldn't possibly be me that he didn't enjoy working with, but it sure was hard to not think that when I first read it!

So, to tie that in to your story about your boyfriend... I think that many guys seem to have that confidence, even when it's not well-deserved. So, it's easier to quit when something's not working, because they don't anticipate trouble finding another job. Maybe? It's a theory anyway.

It's hard, either way.... I know I was feeling pretty rotten Friday about my job stuff. We're interviewing some new folks next week, so I looked at their online portfolios... and thought, "omg, I am never going to be able to get another job. I better not screw up here, because no one is ever going to hire me!" *sigh*. (They're both more graphically inclined than I am, so their websites look nice, and modern, and do a good job of selling their skills. I don't even *have* a job-oriented website at all!)

re: "Insides changing like the wind"... I think it's a little like you described it, where if I'm trying to make a decision, I go back and forth (many many times) and don't ever feel sure. I think, with decisions like that, I just need a LOT of information to feel comfortable, or sure, and so I try to respect that and do what I need to, but it's hard. I also think that part of it is, I'm pretty good at seeing other people's points of view.... which seems to make it really, really hard to find what *I* actually think. I sort of.... over-empathize maybe, and end up pulling in everyone elses' opinions... and don't do a good job of finding something solid for myself. Maybe not always, but often enough...

So, for the work stuff... it might look like this. My boss is being a jerk. I get upset. I'm genuinely upset about something recent he's done. Then he calls me, we talk, and I find out that he has 20 things he's juggling, plus just put his mom in hospice, plus is getting yelled at by his boss and is trying to not let his boss yell at the rest of us. OK, I'm not mad at him now... I kind of feel sympathetic and want to defend him. But, then I talk to a friend on the team, and she's upset about not just the recent stuff, but about bigger patterns in his behavior and points out that even if he does have personal stuff going on, that some of the things he's doing aren't appropriate... so I pick up her viewpoint and am angry again. Like that...

I'm not sure where the line is between appropriately changing your mind because of new information, versus over-empathizing and just being like an emotional chameleon - picking up and reflecting whatever the last person you talked to was feeling? Oh yuck... sorry, thanks, I hadn't really thought about it that much... so I'm kind of figuring this out, and oh, boy. It sure doesn't sound good!

And honestly, I *feel* so fuzzy and confused about "how I am in the world" - that I'm not even really 100% sure that I do that. I think I might... sometimes... but... maybe not always. I don't know, and the more I try to think about, the fuzzier it all gets.

Anyway.... there's my bit of craziness for tonight! Thanks for the good thoughts about work, still no word back from the other woman. But, I'm learning a new design tool now for my current job, so that makes me feel like I'm doing something useful for my future, which is good...

I hope the small project goes well, and good luck with the meeting! I hope it leads to some good practice and "aha" moments for you!