I'm.....really upset right now. I can't even sleep because of the level of frustration in my body.

I'm mostly upset with myself. For ever letting myself get close to people. Why? It's an utterly pointless endeavor. I can maybe get one or two people to be remotely interested in a conversation, and even less than that are interested in coming back to me for a second one. I'm probably annoying, and I'm pretty sure people pick up on my insecurities and mess with me. Maybe I'm just one big effing game to the majority of people? Is that it? Am I some sick sadistic game to be played?

Forget about romance. No matter what I do, no guy responds to me. I tried online dating. But nearly every guy I've tried to connect with. Nearly 98% don't do anything, let alone try to connect back. I had one relationship come out of it, but I'm pretty sure that was a fluke or something. Besides, that was years ago. I see every so often that guys say they are interested via the site, but when I try and follow up that interest...it's like they suddenly pretend they never clicked that button. Why click the it in the first place if you're just gonna pretend it was all a mistake?

Goodness knows how much damn money I've poured onto Match.com. I'm done...just absolutely done with that site. I won't be suckered into wasting another damn cent.

Work isn't an option as most guys I work with are too old. Way to old and unattractive to boot. "Getting out more" isn't an option either. Can't drive and the nearest a city bus gets to my house is a good 45 minute walk away. I'm not walking 45 minutes in the freezing cold just so I can "get out".

Some may argue that I have plenty of time. Well, I don't. I have yet to decide if I want kids. I want that option to have them available yet. I'm pretty sure I'm going to hit early menopause when I'm 40 or so and since I'm 31 now, I'm gonna have to either meet a guy by 35, so I can be married (want to do that before I have kids) and decide if I want kids or not by 38. Any older and I might risk the kid's health, or mine. So yeah. Clock is ticking. Tick tock...tick tock...

In my desperation, I'm probably sabotaging any change I have as it tends to repel guys away. Far away. So...yeah. Might as just have a hysterectomy and just be through with all this stress. No point in having these parts if I'm never going to use them.

I'm probably annoying you now, but you're going to be too polite to say anything. It's usually the case. People are often too polite for their own damn good. Also, if you are thinking this thread is all about pity, forget it. I'm not looking for a pity party either. I'm just venting my frustration at how block headed and heartless people are and how I've had it up to hear with dumb *** guys.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to go lay down in my bed and shake from anger for the next few hours while I try and unsuccessfully fall asleep. I have nothing else I can do anyways. I'd drink a cup of tea, but I don't like tea. Except chai tea, but I don't have that. Oh, and if you've decided that this post isn't too long, and managed to read it up and til now, congrats. You get the perseverance award.